Chinese lessons

curry paste
Originally uploaded by koji yamamoto.

Grammars, vocabularies, idioms, weird sounds &c &c. Learning a new language can be very exhausting and time consuming. But, there surely is a surprising moment when we see a chain of strange sounds begin to make sense. This sense of surprise is, for me, one of the biggest pleasures I used to enjoy when using English. Probably, I am now lucky enough to have that feeling again, and perhaps, even a bit more than that.

In the last several days, I tried to practice Chinese with my flatmate. Well, it is not entirely a new language to me, since I studied it for a year when I was in high school. Yet, the knowledge I acquired several years ago have almost gone in the wind. So, now I feel as if I were learning a new one, without having the trouble of spending much time for grammars etc. It would be great to do some more practice, because it's a nice surprise to see my tentative words actually carry their proper meanings. But not just that; it even reminds me of the profound difference that our self-confidence can immediately bring about.

When I practiced my awkward Chinese yesterday, I felt a massive psychological pressure, and often ended up in using English. But even so, it gave me a little sense of confidence and empowerment. I think this is important and isn't just about learning languages. When raising a question in some formal discussions in the History Department, for example, I often feel more confident about myself once I see that my questions make sense and somehow contribute to the discussion. This drop of confidence often becomes the cause of further action and confidence. So, there is a sort of upward spiral: your action improves your self-confidence, thereby stimulating further improvement that can bring even further sense of empowerment, etc.

For sure, Everything wouldn't be as straightforward as this optimistic vision. Yet, the language practice perhaps captures some truth: our self-confidence can make a real difference, even if our confidence itself is often painfully unstable. I wanted to write about it, rather than dismiss it in my mind as a cliché . For, whenever I am stuck, it is all too easy to forget about it, while forgetting the very fact that I forget it. But I don't want to forget, but rather wish to remember and cherish the moment when I feel myself empowered. Learning language has such a side-effect. I think I have a good reason to try my Chinese again.